Sometimes I wonder when I stopped seeing myself as a woman and started seeing myself only through the roles I carry.

I am a mother. I am a single mother. I am a Muslimah. I am the one my children depend on. I am the one who makes the decisions, keeps things organised, holds everything together and keeps going, even on the days when I don’t feel like I have anything left to give.

And I love my children more than words could ever explain.

But somewhere in all of that, I realised I had lost touch with another part of myself.

Me.

Not Mum. Not the woman who has to be strong. Not the woman who has to figure everything out.

Just me.

I don’t want to escape my children. I don’t want a different life. I don’t want to abandon the beautiful responsibilities Allah SWT has entrusted me with.

I just want to find myself again.

I want to remember what makes me laugh. What inspires me. What I’m passionate about. What I dream about when I’m not thinking about everyone else’s needs.

I want to have conversations that aren’t always about responsibilities. I want to dress up because I feel like it. I want to travel, learn, explore, create and experience new things. I want to sit somewhere quietly and hear my own thoughts.

And I don’t think wanting those things makes me selfish.

For a long time, I thought being a good mother meant constantly putting myself last. Maybe that’s what so many of us learn to do. We become so used to giving that receiving feels uncomfortable. We become so used to being strong that admitting we’re tired feels like weakness.

But I’m learning that I can love my children deeply and still have a life that belongs to me.

I can be their mother and still be a woman with dreams.

I can be a Muslimah and still be figuring things out.

I can have sabr and still admit that something is difficult.

I can be grateful to Allah SWT and still want to grow.

I can trust Allah SWT with my future while still having hopes for what that future might look like.

Maybe finding myself isn’t about going back to who I was before motherhood.

I’m not that woman anymore.

Life has changed me. Motherhood has changed me. Experiences have changed me. My faith has grown through things I never imagined I would have to navigate.

Perhaps I’m not trying to find the old me.

Perhaps I’m discovering the woman Allah SWT is allowing me to become.

And maybe that’s the part I’ve been missing.

I don’t need to have everything figured out. I don’t need to suddenly transform my life. I can start with small things. Making time for myself. Reconnecting with people I love. Doing things that bring me joy. Learning something new. Taking care of my body and mind. Making dua. Sitting quietly. Allowing myself to dream again.

Because I am still here.

Underneath the responsibilities, the tiredness, the motherhood and all the things I’ve had to carry, I am still here.

And I don’t want to lose myself again.

I want my children to grow up knowing that their mother loved them fiercely, but I also want them to know that she was a woman who had dreams of her own.

A woman who sometimes struggled.

A woman who kept going.

A woman who found her way back to herself.

A woman who trusted Allah SWT even when she couldn’t see what was ahead.

Maybe this chapter of my life isn’t about becoming someone completely different.

Maybe it’s simply about coming home to myself.

Slowly. Gently. With faith.

And trusting that Allah SWT knows the woman I am becoming, even when I’m still trying to figure her out myself.